A Home To Grow Old In, and No Way To Leave
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(Source: Leanne Benson via Centre for Ageing Better.)
My husband and I are in our forties, and our parents are at a lovely, sweet spot in their retirement years. They are lucky to be healthy and strong, and enjoy spending their time doing all their favorite things without that pesky thing known as “work” getting in the way. Our parents pass their time with pretty typical activities: daily walks, pickleball, reading, travel, volunteering, and lots of helping out with the grandkids. After all the years they spent working and taking care of us and our siblings, it’s really nice to see them at this stage of life. They’ve earned it!
Despite this, they’re also thinking about what the future holds, and what they should be thinking about now to make sure life is as good as it can be, 10 or 15 years down the road. What will life look like? Some things we just can’t know, but others we can try our best to plan for.
That they are already thinking about the future is something I don’t take for granted. No one really wants to think about their world getting smaller. I’m at an age where my friends and I find ourselves talking not just about the trials and tribulations of parenting, but also about our aging parents: where they live, what’s next for them, and how this will impact our own lives. And not to put too fine a point on it, but some of my friends’ parents seem to be in denial about being able to continue on, as is, with everything staying the same.
When it comes to older people and their living arrangements, we tend to think a lot about the size and physical characteristics of the current home. Is this more space than is needed? Are there too many stairs? Could bathroom modifications be made? How about installing more handrails, grab bars, and better lighting?
Those things are really important. Research has found that low-cost modifications yield huge improvements in people being able to safely live longer in their homes. But what I’ve been thinking about lately is the part of life that happens outside the home. Because for many older adults, a sinister time lurks in the not-too-distant future. That is the time when they stop driving.
Study after study finds that most people would like to “age in place,” staying in their own homes as long as possible. But most definitions of aging in place say that it’s about the ability to stay in your home and community as you age.
This forces us to confront an uncomfortable truth: the places where many older people live and say they would like to remain are anything but friendly to anyone who doesn’t drive. They already can’t walk, bike, etc., to their daily destinations. To lose the ability to drive, then, is to lose significant quality of life.
So what if we encourage older people to live in places that are designed for them and their needs? Let’s face it. “Retirement communities” are prohibitively expensive for most older people and their families. Naturally-occurring retirement communities (NORCs) are more accessible but far from being widely available.
Well, what about just finding other people to drive? Providing non-driving older people with autonomy and independence in mobility in an auto-oriented city is incredibly costly.
I have a neighbor who doesn’t drive and due to health issues is pretty much housebound. This person relies on someone to drive them any time they want to leave the house. “Surely, there are some services that offer low-cost rides for older people,” I thought to myself. I found that several volunteer-based services had existed, but folded during the pandemic, and others would only do trips deemed “essential,” like medical appointments. I thought about my friend and their already very small world. Who’s to say that going to a family meal or a friend’s birthday celebration isn’t essential to many people’s mental and emotional wellness?
Whether it’s shuttles, taxi chits, specialized public transit, or a family or friend to do the driving, all of those “downstream” solutions require enormous resources. And worse, they chip away at the dignity of older people who must justify every trip or simply forego them.
I recently had a long heart-to-heart with an older family member about where they saw themselves living in the next phase of their life. They were open to moving to a different city to be closer to family support if it made sense. We discussed the many factors we thought would make an optimum situation for aging in place. The ability to get outside for exercise and fresh air year-round. Groceries, medical care, social opportunities nearby. Easy access to family support. Affordability and choice in housing options.
But putting these factors together in a mental Venn diagram left me really bummed out, because it didn’t seem like any of the places on the table for potential relocation would be great. And it all came down to auto orientation. It was hard to fathom an instance where driving wouldn’t need to be done by someone on a near-daily basis to ensure that they could have a full and rich life even once they’d hung up the car keys for good.
It doesn’t need to be this way. Watch any Not Just Bikes video on life in the Netherlands and you will see people using mobility scooters sharing space with people on bikes, comfortably and confidently. Part of this is creating that safe “all ages and abilities” infrastructure, and a culture of non-motor-vehicle-based transportation. But the other part, which is equally important and we tend to overlook, is having destinations that aren’t prohibitively far away. And sadly, that’s a feature that’s baked into the majority of North American neighborhoods.
I’ve been thinking about this because of my own neighbors and relatives, but I know I’m not alone. The oldest of the baby boomer generation is now in their late 70s. While there’s no specific age that people should stop driving, research has found that most older adults will live 7 to ten years past their ability to drive safely. (And frankly, this seems like an understatement to me.)
We’re on the precipice of a massive wave of people who can no longer (or should no longer) drive, and I think this will have major repercussions.
Healthcare providers and family members alike know that asking someone to stop driving will have a profound impact on their life. To go from being self-reliant, autonomous, and independent to having to ask for rides and rely on others’ kindness and schedules is a rude shock. We also know that loneliness and social isolation is terrible for your health, no matter what age you are. I imagine it feels a bit like reverting to childhood, where someone else is really in charge of your life.
Our older citizens deserve more dignity than this. They don’t deserve to be left completely at the mercy of others to drive them to every single thing they need or want to do.
There is a way forward, and we can start today.
For inspiration on how to do that, check out “Enabling Better Places: A Handbook for Improved Neighborhoods.” It was produced by the surprisingly complementary partnership of CNU and AARP! (In fact, AARP has an entire long-standing campaign related to age-friendly places, called Livable Communities.)
The handbook asks the question, “What’s the biggest little thing that can transform a community?” and answers it with dozens of real-world examples. Things like road diets, parking reforms, ADUs, neighborhood shops, and more, all with practical advice on building public and political support for these small, incremental changes.
We can’t fix all parts of our towns and cities overnight, but we can begin to make small changes that over time will restore many parts of them to more humane, livable, age-friendly places. Places where people can find housing that’s right for them, get around without a car, and stay connected to the community. Places we’d be happy to see our loved ones spend their golden years.
Empower your place to heal its housing market with our upcoming book, Escaping the Housing Trap: The Strong Towns Response to the Housing Crisis, written by Charles Marohn and Daniel Herriges. Pre-order your copy today!
Emma Durand-Wood likes walkable cities, front porches, street trees, bumping into neighbors, riding her bike, downtowns, and any excuse to check out a new coffee shop, bakery, or shop. A Winnipegger by choice, she lives in Elmwood with her husband and three children. You can connect with her on Twitter @emmaewood.